Mothers' Day in the Salon: Recognising Every Woman's Journey
Mother’s Day can be a complicated time, especially as we work predominantly with women and where we often find ourselves navigating the wide variety of emotions tied to motherhood. In this reflective solo episode, I talk about the challenges that come with this day, from the joy of new mothers celebrating their first Mothers' Day to the deep sorrow of those who have faced baby loss or maternal loss. I share my own experiences, including the reality of losing my own mother and how that has impacted my perspective on motherhood and the expectations that come with it. We also touch on the importance of recognising the choices some women make not to become mothers and how our understanding and sensitivity as salon professionals can profoundly affect our clients and our teams. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the diverse experiences surrounding motherhood and how we can create a more compassionate environment in our businesses.
It's a complicated time for many and in our role as salon professionals where the dynamics of motherhood are intricately woven into our daily lives as service providers. As I reflect on my own experiences, I share some of the diverse issues surrounding motherhood. This episode goes into the realities of being a mother while also honouring those who have faced the the emotional challenges of baby loss, fertility struggles, and the decision not to become a parent at all.
We recognise the spectrum of motherhood, from the joy of new beginnings with first-time mothers to the sorrow of those who remember a child they lost. It’s a day that can bring joy for some but can also be a poignant reminder for others of what they’ve lost or may never have. The complexities of these experiences are often overlooked in a business where we are expected to maintain a facade of cheerfulness and positivity at all times. I encourage listeners to take a moment to reflect on how these issues impact not just our clients but also ourselves and our teams. It’s essential to provide a supportive environment within our salons, acknowledging that not everyone celebrates Mothers' Day in the same way. We should approach this day with sensitivity and kindness, recognising the varying emotions it can evoke for those we serve. This episode is a heartfelt reminder to celebrate the diversity of motherhood and to be mindful of those who may be silently struggling on this day.
Takeaways:
- Mothers' Day can be a complex emotional landscape for those in the salon industry, reflecting both joy and profound loss.
- We must acknowledge the diverse experiences of motherhood, from new moms to those facing maternal loss and infertility issues.
- As salon professionals, we hold space for our clients' stories of motherhood, which can include pain, loss, and the choice not to become a mother.
- The pressure to return to work after experiencing loss can lead to delayed grief, affecting our well-being and our ability to serve clients.
- It's essential to create an environment where clients can opt out of Mothers' Day celebrations if it brings them pain or discomfort.
- Understanding and supporting the varied journeys of motherhood can foster a deeper connection with our clients and team members.
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Jena - https://www.jena.so/partnerships/sue-davies
- Tommy's Appeal - https://www.tommys.org/about-us
- The Salon Inspector - https://sue-davies.com
Transcript
Welcome to Inspiring Salon Professionals, the podcast that allows every therapist, nail tech and stylist to level up, build their career.
Speaker B:And reach for their dreams.
Speaker A:Each episode we'll be looking at a.
Speaker B:Different area of the industry and along the way, I'll be chatting with salon.
Speaker A:Owners, industry leaders and experts who'll be sharing their stories on how they achieved their goals, made their successes, all to inspire you in your business and career.
Speaker A:I'm Sue Davies, your host, award winning salon owner and industry professional.
Speaker A:Welcome to Inspiring Salon Professionals.
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Speaker B:Hi there and welcome to this week's episode of Inspiring Salon Professionals.
Speaker B:This week, you may have noticed, if you're a regular listener, that we missed a week and that's partly because I've had a couple of guests that were due to be on and we had to reschedule.
Speaker B:So there is a little bit of.
Speaker B:A, bit of a low in activity and I have had so much stuff on personally.
Speaker B:So I just decided I needed to take a couple of days out and just kind of restore balance a little bit.
Speaker B:So this week's episode is about.
Speaker B:It's Mother's Day today.
Speaker B:I'm sitting in a hotel.
Speaker B:I've been away for the weekend with friends and having a lovely time.
Speaker B:And this morning I'm in my hotel room and it's Mother's Day and I'm a mum.
Speaker B:I've got two kids and I'm also the daughter of a mum who's no longer here.
Speaker B:And I was looking through Facebook this morning and was just always as I am.
Speaker B:Just it, it brings joy and reflection and everything on Mother's Day and I just thought it'd be really appropriate to just do a little podcast episode.
Speaker B:This isn't going to be a long episode.
Speaker B:I'm sure you can breathe a sigh of relief after some of the lengths of them recently but it's just to say that we need to.
Speaker B:As an industry that is predominantly female, we do need to take a moment to consider all of the different variations of mum and mother and mama and all those other different words we use for the same thing.
Speaker B:We should take a moment to think about the new mums who.
Speaker B:It's their first Mother's Day, and that's an amazing achievement.
Speaker B:And you've just gone through the delivery or the arrival of your baby in the last year, and it's a special day, that first Mother's Day, really, really special day to celebrate you and being a mum for the first year of that or maybe even a month of that year, that child's life.
Speaker B:You may be an animal mum.
Speaker B:You might be a dog mom or a cat mom.
Speaker B:I know my daughter is a cat mom.
Speaker B:She firmly believes that she's a cat mom, and I do.
Speaker B:And I'm dog mom to my dogs.
Speaker B:So even that, and that's a very sort of trivial, throwaway remark for a lot of people, they'd consider it.
Speaker B:But I know in the absence of my kids, when they're not, when they haven't been around, the dogs are kind of there as, like, your backup and your support.
Speaker B:And they may not.
Speaker B:Well, they do see you as the mum, but obviously they can't buy you a card and bring you presents.
Speaker B:They can only wag their towels and just, like, brush past you if they're a cat and wrap their tail around your leg to show you how much they love you.
Speaker B:But there's just so many different versions of mum.
Speaker B:There's the mums that are yet to be the ones that are desperately trying to be a mum.
Speaker B:The mums that we've all had as clients that are going through IVF or having fertility difficulties, having baby loss, and all those kinds of really challenging things that, as a woman, many of us go through.
Speaker B:I've always been fortunate.
Speaker B:I have never gone through that.
Speaker B:But I know this morning, just chatting with a friend, that today, you know, it makes her think about her baby loss.
Speaker B:And I know Yvonne Ebden, who is working really, really closely with Tommy's for the baby loss.
Speaker B:And she's someone I want to be onto the podcast at some point to discuss that subject very, very in detail, because it's something that, as salon professionals, we have those women sitting in front of us, laying on our beds, having their hair colored, and they share those stories with us.
Speaker B:We also have mums that have got broken hearts.
Speaker B:They may have had a loss of a child.
Speaker B:They may have had the loss of something that takes their Mother's Day to a place of difficulty and challenge.
Speaker B:And we can't always be happy Mother's Day.
Speaker B:Sometimes it is just a day of reflection.
Speaker B:And there's those that don't have a relationship with their mum.
Speaker B:They may have had a difficult upbringing, they may have had issues where their mum is no longer able to function as a mum.
Speaker B:We all know that there's so many different things in society that can make that happen.
Speaker B:There's ones like me who don't have their mum.
Speaker B:I think this is now my 17th or maybe 18th Mother's Day without my mum.
Speaker B:It does get easier.
Speaker B:And I know I've got many friends who have lost their mums in the last year and I think I'm going to stop and take a moment for this one.
Speaker B:Because when my mum died, most unfortunately, she died on Christmas Eve, which is a doubly difficult thing.
Speaker B:And having lost my dad at a different point in the year and my husband having lost his mum at a different point in the year, it doesn't ever have the same impact as it did when my mum passed.
Speaker B:It sounds.
Speaker B:That sounds really trite, but I still have 17 years on, people messaging me because they remember and they know that she died on Christmas Eve because it's an unforgettable day to die on, which my mum would have loved because she was kind of.
Speaker B:I mean, she wasn't a great seeker of attention in, you know, sort of like extrovert party person, but it just would be something that she'd sort of have a bit of a chuckle about because she'll never, you know, we can't ever forget that.
Speaker B:And it makes it.
Speaker B:Yeah, I mean, it makes Christmas, especially for the first few years, it made Christmas quite a challenge.
Speaker B:And as I'm sure any of you can appreciate listening, working in the salon over those days leading up to that, especially the first few years, but it was really hard because you're in that full, you know, full, full smile on, Come on, let's get out there and, you know, put that, that smiley face on and be the perfect professional.
Speaker B:And it's difficult, but my clients got me through.
Speaker B:My team got me through what actually, I'm saying a lot of the time I didn't have a team.
Speaker B:I didn't get my team until about four years after she died.
Speaker B:But it still made it.
Speaker B:It still kind of.
Speaker B:It took it away, it made it made it a little bit easier.
Speaker B:And parental loss of any kind is difficult.
Speaker B:And I think for me I know I went back to work.
Speaker B:My mum died on Christmas Eve, nearly mid, just before midnight.
Speaker B:Obviously we were off for Christmas Day, Boxing Day and I think it was a bank holiday possibly that year, so we had the extra day.
Speaker B:But I was back in work.
Speaker B:I think I was back in work on the 28th.
Speaker B:My poor clients had, you know.
Speaker B:Oh, did you have a nice Christmas, Sue?
Speaker B:But actually no, my mum died.
Speaker B:I mean, what do you say?
Speaker B:You can't, you know.
Speaker B:Well, I don't know, maybe I was being unprofessional but I mean those clients that were there then, they've been with me for a long time and they knew me and, and I, and I couldn't.
Speaker B:I think I just needed to kind of talk to people about it and just make it real.
Speaker B:But it's a really, really difficult thing.
Speaker B:And I know not only as a salon professional, we have a responsibility to our clients, they've got appointments booked and life goes on for them.
Speaker B:But also we have to remember we like small business owners, we're self employed, no work, no money.
Speaker B:And so there's a push to go back to work probably very much quicker when you are doing what we do for a living.
Speaker B:And I think it's something that we really need to recognize is that the pressure that puts us under, the long term effects that that can cause and you get like a delayed grief, I think when you do that.
Speaker B:I know for me, my sister and my dad, they were both in a position of being employed at the time.
Speaker B:They took three weeks out.
Speaker B:I don't think they went back to work and possibly until after the funeral and whereas I just carried on working and doing everything because I had to, because I had a business to run and had clients to serve and a responsibility to those clients and responsibility to keep money coming in.
Speaker B:So I just really wanted to like this.
Speaker B:I think that was probably one of the biggest messages of today is just to like, you know, give yourself a break when you are experiencing loss of a parent and particularly, and I think probably more not necessarily as it depends on your relationship, doesn't it, with your parents.
Speaker B:But I think maternal loss is probably the more challenging of the two because you've had a, like an umbilical connection either physical or virtual.
Speaker B:Because I do feel, and if you're a mum as well listening to this, you'll understand that tug.
Speaker B:I mean I know if there's something going on with my daughter, I still can feel it sometimes and I'll know anyway.
Speaker B:The other mums are the single moms that are out there.
Speaker B:You know, we've all.
Speaker B:I, I've always been in a relationship with my husband so I've never experienced being a single mom but my sister was a single mom for a long time.
Speaker B:I've got a lot of friends that have been single moms and it's the most challenging thing cuz you've got in a lot of cases even if the other parent is there, you are for the most part trying to be both parents in the points when those children are in your, in your possession and in your, in your home.
Speaker B:The mums that adopted and took on other people's children.
Speaker B:I have experience of this with one of my, well two people I know who adopted their children and they both, you know, made an amazing decision when life life threw them a lemon.
Speaker B:They decided that they were going to help.
Speaker B:I don't know why I say help society.
Speaker B:That sounds like really grand, doesn't it?
Speaker B:But, but they decided they wanted to give something back because they couldn't, they couldn't get what they wanted from their life in that way.
Speaker B:And so they wanted to be a mom that much that they took on children that were in need.
Speaker B:And I know like my, my friends adopted son has gone on to do amazing things and he's, and he, you know, he's had such a lucky life being with them.
Speaker B:And then there's also those that choose not to be a mum and there's a lot of reasons people choose not to be a mum.
Speaker B:It may be financial, it may be that you just don't like children.
Speaker B:There's an awful lot of reasons that people choose not to have children for a really long time.
Speaker B:I became an auntie quite young, I was about fifth.
Speaker B:What was I, I think I, when I met my husband, he had I think four nieces and nephews already or something like that when I met him or maybe three when I met him and I was 15.
Speaker B:Because we have been together a very, very long time.
Speaker B:And so I sort of immediately walked into a family where I was sort of like a potential auntie.
Speaker B:And then over the years my sister, then when I was about 17 my sister had my, her first child and I became a real auntie, like a blood auntie.
Speaker B:And my, my husband's brother's family had their first child as well.
Speaker B:And both those boys I spent so much time with and it's funny, we've been talking, my sister's just been away on holiday and there was mongooses and so I'm going to share this but there was a ridiculous Rudyard Kipling cartoon that I used to share with these two boys.
Speaker B:And they became quite good friends over the years because I used to look after them quite a lot together and because I was a really good auntie.
Speaker B:And we used to watch this video called Ricky Tikki Tavi, and it's my sister's kind of like, she's been talking about his mongooses.
Speaker B:So I just keep doing the Ricky Tikki Tabby noise, which is like.
Speaker B:And yeah, it's funny to us anyway.
Speaker B:It probably isn't funny to anybody else, but if you ever saw that cartoon or you want to entertain your children, it's a really good story.
Speaker B:Go find it.
Speaker B:I'm sure you can find the.
Speaker B: It's probably about: Speaker B:It was very, very good.
Speaker B:But, but at that point where I looked after those boys a lot and I spent a lot of time with them.
Speaker B:They ran me ragged, they did.
Speaker B:And at the time, a few as.
Speaker B:Up until that point, I'd wanted nothing more than to get married and have children.
Speaker B:And when I was about 16, all I wanted to do was get married, have children.
Speaker B:By the time I was 18, I mean, like, now I look back and it's like, what I was a child, like, what was I thinking?
Speaker B:But that's what was important to me at that time, and I really wanted that.
Speaker B:And then I had these two nephews, and they, they, I mean, they, they know this.
Speaker B:I have, I have, I have shared this with them.
Speaker B:But they did kind of put me off having kids a bit because it was just so intense.
Speaker B:And I was like, oh, my God, if this is what it's about, I don't think I really want this.
Speaker B:And, and then I was working.
Speaker B:It was when I was, I was, this was way before I was in the salon industry and I worked at Guy's Hospital.
Speaker B:And I was, I think at the time, probably I was the director of personnel, or HR as it is nowadays.
Speaker B:I was a PA to him.
Speaker B:I had a really good job and was climbing my career ladder, and I was on good money and really enjoying life.
Speaker B:And there was a couple of women that I worked with that had made the choice to not have children.
Speaker B:And now, looking back as, you know, like a mature adult, I don't know what was behind their choices.
Speaker B:It may be that they have fertility issues, and so they'd made the decision to not go any further in trying.
Speaker B:It may be that they had made that choice, that it just wasn't for them and they just wanted to be career women or whatever.
Speaker B:I Don't know, I don't really know.
Speaker B:We never got into it that much.
Speaker B:It was just sort of people that I worked in my department that I had contact with.
Speaker B:But I can remember being quite amazed by the life that they had and whether it was chosen or put upon them, they had, they did have a good quality of life and they didn't have to worry about childcare costs and they didn't have to worry about clothing their kids and, and feeding their kids and all that stuff that comes with being a parent and like the huge cost of being a parent financially more so than anything.
Speaker B:And I just remember looking at them thinking like, you know, they're going on like three holidays a year, they're driving a brand new car.
Speaker B:And back in like the late 80s and early 90s, we were very, very, as a society, we were very money driven.
Speaker B:And I can remember just looking at them thinking like, I want to be, I want to be like that.
Speaker B:And I was so inspired by these women that I sat down with my husband and said, like, you know what, I don't know, like, having kids is the right thing.
Speaker B:You know, we've got these, we've got amazing nieces and nephews that we can share our love with.
Speaker B:And I don't know that I want to do this.
Speaker B:I really don't think I do.
Speaker B:And so we went through quite a long time where we just knew that we weren't going to have kids.
Speaker B:And then we got married and then.
Speaker B:And as I'm sure any of you that have gone through this, then it starts, doesn't it?
Speaker B:Oh, we got married now.
Speaker B:Oh, when are you going to have a kid?
Speaker B:When are you going to have a kid?
Speaker B:And if you're in a place where you don't want them, it's okay because you can make that, you can just go, we just don't really want them at the moment.
Speaker B:But if you're in a place of trying and you get that pressure that's nasty and uncomfortable to live with.
Speaker B:And I know many people that have gone through that and the difficulty of trying to bat that off constantly.
Speaker B:So do think about that when someone's just got married or even if they move in together or whatever.
Speaker B:Nowadays it's, everything's changed a bit.
Speaker B:But the pressure we put on people to be mothers is sometimes unbearable for people and it makes their life really, really difficult.
Speaker B: ot married, we got married in: Speaker B:You're gonna have kids.
Speaker B:You're gonna have kids.
Speaker B:And we were like, no, no, no, no, no, that's not for us.
Speaker B:We're not doing it.
Speaker B:And my mum was very supportive in this because she'd never really wanted to have kids and she had a lot of family pressure back in the 60s that she had to have children because it's what's expected.
Speaker B:And we were still suffering from that hangover.
Speaker B: much now, but then one day in: Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And I was like, oh my God, I have to have a child now.
Speaker B:Literally.
Speaker B:And so I said to travel, I think we need to do this.
Speaker B:And he's like, no, hang on a minute.
Speaker B:I've got my head around the fact we weren't doing this and now we are.
Speaker B:Anyway, the upshot was just under a year later I had my daughter and then a couple of years later after that I had my son and it was a journey.
Speaker B:I had postnatal depression with my daughter and.
Speaker B:Yeah, and suffered.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:With that.
Speaker B:I ended up actually being made redundant as a result of it.
Speaker B:The ever caring NHS was on sick leave and they made me redundant, which was nice.
Speaker B:But I just want to share that there should be no pressure for people to be a mum or not be a mum.
Speaker B:We shouldn't be shoving Mother's Day down people's throats who don't want to hear it.
Speaker B:And I know for me, since my mum passed, and I personally, I just go, okay, it's that time of year when the marketing emails start, but it may be something, if you have the opportunity to do so, to let your clients opt out of your Mother's Day stuff because they might be silently crying inside.
Speaker B:And although Mother's Day is a day of joy and celebration, for some, it isn't.
Speaker B:And it is for them about the loss, and especially if it's a new loss, it will be hard, it will be very, very difficult.
Speaker B:And if it's a loss of them being a mum, it will cut them to the core potentially.
Speaker B:So please just.
Speaker B:I just.
Speaker B:I don't want this to be a sad podcast because it shouldn't be.
Speaker B:I want it to be reflective and I want it to make you consider the different types of mum scenarios that are out there, you know, and also just to celebrate the.
Speaker B:The fact that, you know, you can be like a mum to People, you know, you can, you can have those wonderful people around you that have maternal care for you and that look after you and a community or whatever.
Speaker B:You know, there's, there's always people around us that show that maternal nature of care and looking after and being kind.
Speaker B:Because that's what it's about really.
Speaker B:It's just being kind.
Speaker B:So on this Mother's Day and I'm going to put this up today, I'm literally, I'm going to try and get this out because I've got to leave the hotel room soon so I'm going to literally just like get this done because I've tried, I've edited as I've gone and, and it will be up very soon.
Speaker B:You'll know because you've been listening to it.
Speaker B:So I really want to wish everybody, no matter where you are on your journey, a day of whatever emotion this brings to you today, it doesn't have to be a day of joy.
Speaker B:It can be a day of reflection, it can be a day of remembering, it can be a day of hope, it can be a day of all different sorts of things.
Speaker B:But if you have clients in your business that are struggling with motherhood in any way, and whether that's through all the things I've been talking about or if they've got posting.
Speaker B:Do you know what postnatal depression even is?
Speaker B:Do you know how it can manifest?
Speaker B:You know that it can be really mild and it can actually end up with you having to be in a mother and baby unit because you could be a danger to your baby.
Speaker B:It's a really, really difficult subject.
Speaker B: e, it was very, very taboo in: Speaker B:And I was very, very fortunate to have somebody in my baby group.
Speaker B:Actually, I say fortunate, that sounds like a really bad word.
Speaker B:Actually I was, we were, we were fortunate to have each other because we both weirdly got diagnosed with it on the same day.
Speaker B:Both manifested in very different ways, but we support each other.
Speaker B:And it's really funny because I was supposed to be seeing her yesterday whilst I've been down in Kent and she had to message me on Friday night because her lovely younger daughter had messaged her to say, mum, I'm free tomorrow.
Speaker B:Can, can I see you?
Speaker B:So she did what any self respecting mum did would do and she texted me and was like, sue, my daughter's just messaged, have to cancel.
Speaker B:And it's the right choice because I know like my daughter lives in Scotland.
Speaker B:And I see her maybe twice a year.
Speaker B:We speak a lot in between her busy work and my busy life and everything.
Speaker B:But it's probably the last.
Speaker B:I don't think I covered this one actually in the list is having daughters that don't live with you.
Speaker B:It's hard.
Speaker B:In fact, I'm not going to lie to keep stopping this because it keeps making me feel really emotional today.
Speaker B:But she, my daughter, if she did, if she phoned me on a Friday night and said, actually I'm coming, I'd drop everything to see her, because that's what you do as a mum.
Speaker B:But I know I'm going home.
Speaker B:My Mother's Day present from her is there.
Speaker B:It arrived on my doorstep, literally as I was leaving on Friday.
Speaker B:So I know I'm going home to experience whatever wonderful gift she's sent me, because she does send me some very peculiar things sometimes, but always things that are so heartfelt.
Speaker B:And I know I will get a phone call, video, hopefully a video call, and we will have that connection today, and I know we will at some point.
Speaker B:She's probably got spin class or whatever she's doing today.
Speaker B:She always goes and does something like that on the weekend and she'll give me a call when she's free because she does have a life.
Speaker B:And it's really, really hard to accept that they have a life away from you.
Speaker B:But they do enough of my daughter because otherwise I'm just going to sit and sob because I don't get to see her today.
Speaker B:But to finish up, just be reminded of the wonders of womanhood, the traumas of womanhood, and that we are able to celebrate with each other all of our accomplishments.
Speaker B:We are able to commiserate our losses.
Speaker B:We are there to support each other.
Speaker B:And most of all, just be mindful of other people's feelings around motherhood because for not everybody has a good experience with it, for whatever reason that may be.
Speaker B:It's been a bit of a deep one today, hasn't it?
Speaker B:And I really hope.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:I don't normally do these, like, really kind of heartfelt kind of podcast, obviously, like, it's usually quite business focused, an industry focus, but I do feel with this industry, we hold a lot of women and a lot of mothers of all of all types.
Speaker B:And I just really wanted to kind of reflect that and just get everyone to just have a little think about how you deal with motherhood in your salon because you may be supporting so many women and you don't even realize it that are going through different things that they can't share.
Speaker B:So on this Mother's Day I wish you whatever you need and I will catch you next time.
Speaker B:Bye for now.
Speaker C:Is your salon delivering the exceptional client journey you've always envisioned?
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Speaker C:Visit su-davies.com to schedule your audit today.
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